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Patrick Metzger

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About Me — Patrick Metzger

This is not a linear narrative — *Please scroll past my enormous head to read bio below.* Hi.Top level: I’m interested in the intersection of the mysterious and the absurd, which is to say life. Roles I’ve had: student, dishwasher, punk rock singer, office clerk, various types of manager, including program, project, and product, bank executive, political…

About Me

5 min read

About Me — Patrick Metzger
About Me — Patrick Metzger
About Me

5 min read


Published in

Scrittura

·5 days ago

Lucifer, God, and the Great Confusion

Prose poem prompt: Retell a well-known tale — Welcome, my son said the Divine Presence in a froth of chilly mist and ineffable thought I trust you’ve been well? Lucifer nodded his noble head Eyes wide, deep and blue-green as a primordial sea chiseled jawline sharp as a razor’s edge skin glowing deep bronze and flawless under the perpetual golden hour of…

Prose Poem

3 min read

Lucifer, God, and the Great Confusion
Lucifer, God, and the Great Confusion
Prose Poem

3 min read


Sep 14

Ten Books That Changed My Life

Your mileage may vary — Recently I’ve thought that my writing on Medium has seen far too few narcissistic self-indulgent listicles. This piece aims to remedy that shortfall. Below are some books I first read between my early teens and mid-twenties which affected my worldview or my philosophy or the way I string a sentence…

Humor

7 min read

Ten Books That Changed My Life
Ten Books That Changed My Life
Humor

7 min read


Published in

MuddyUm

·Sep 9

The Hidden Meditations of Marcus Aurelius

“Why didn’t Leander bring bacon?” — Marcus Aurelius, ruler of the Roman Empire from CE 161 to 180, was widely considered a wise and just emperor. Today he is admired for his Meditations, which exemplify Stoic philosophy and the virtues of wisdom, moderation, courage, and justice. Recently a British tourist sleeping off a bender in a…

Humour

3 min read

The Hidden Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
The Hidden Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
Humour

3 min read


Published in

The Bad Influence

·Sep 8

Our COVID-19 Troubles Are Just Getting Started

Imagine a zombie apocalypse in slow motion — Stupid science. Just when we all got chill with the mass delusion that COVID-19 was over, a study in British medical journal The Lancet suggests that the real fuckening may be yet to come. The research looks at individuals suffering from long COVID, aka Post-COVID-19 condition (PCC), and the conclusions…

Covid-19

4 min read

Our COVID-19 Troubles Are Just Getting Started
Our COVID-19 Troubles Are Just Getting Started
Covid-19

4 min read


Published in

Age of Empathy

·Sep 6

A Strange Woman Made Me Feel Good in the Pool

Calm down, people, not like that — Yesterday was a pleasingly quiet day at the gym pool. Each of the three lanes had only a single occupant, and I was enjoying floundering my way up and down my row without risk of collision. As I was almost ready to leave, a dark, attractive woman in a bathing…

Happiness

3 min read

A Strange Woman Made Me Feel Good in the Pool
A Strange Woman Made Me Feel Good in the Pool
Happiness

3 min read


Published in

Blow Your Stack

·Sep 5

I Told a Credit Card Phone Scammer Where to Go and Here’s How I Knew

Technology is making phone cons more convincing —learn to recognize the signs — My ex-wife C was over at the house, temporarily relieving me as the adult in charge of watching our son play online games. She’d just arrived when she got a phone call. “No. No. Definitely not. That wasn’t me.” As someone who’s had my identity stolen twice — I’ve since…

Scam

4 min read

I Told a Credit Card Phone Scammer Where to Go and Here’s How I Knew
I Told a Credit Card Phone Scammer Where to Go and Here’s How I Knew
Scam

4 min read


Published in

Scrittura

·Sep 2

Prose Poem: Borderlands

The in-between places — When I was a boy the path to the Borderlands was straight and sure there we could be anyone hunters, heroes, sailors on unknown seas builders of worlds We were immortal, we were. Then without warning, we were grown not caring that the path was gone exploring further, faster roads snatching more than…

Poetry

2 min read

Prose Poem: Borderlands
Prose Poem: Borderlands
Poetry

2 min read


Published in

The Haven

·Aug 25

Lord of the Rings Book IV: The Collecting of the Taxes

The King visits the Shire with a message for all hobbits — The Shire had already been abuzz with the news for days by the time the trumpeting of the heralds sounded at the borders. “He has arrived!” cried the hobbits to one another, flushed with excitement. As far as anyone knew, no king had ever visited them, and certainly not one…

Humor

4 min read

Lord of the Rings Book IV: The Collecting of the Taxes
Lord of the Rings Book IV: The Collecting of the Taxes
Humor

4 min read


Published in

The Bad Influence

·Aug 22

We Have Enough Methane in the Atmosphere to End an Ice Age, but We’re Not in an Ice Age

“Methane may be providing the first indication that a very large-scale…reorganisation of the climate system is already underway” — If the ongoing year of climate catastrophe hasn’t got you pondering global warming, maybe this will help. A recent study in the journal Global Biogeochemical Cycles details some unsettling findings about methane in the Earth’s atmosphere. According to the new research, the current situation resembles something in the geological record…

Climate Change

3 min read

We Have Enough Methane in the Atmosphere to End an Ice Age, but We’re Not in an Ice Age
We Have Enough Methane in the Atmosphere to End an Ice Age, but We’re Not in an Ice Age
Climate Change

3 min read

Patrick Metzger

Patrick Metzger

7.1K Followers

Dilettante, smartass, apocalypticist. ***See “Lists” for stories by genre.***

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